Not Over Till the Polar Bear Sings

We all know “…the End is Nigh!” as the old man crack pot in London’s Oxford Circus so kindly bellows forth with the help of his megaphone. Let us quickly say that whoever sold him said megaphone ought to be shot. Not to mention, actually, the fact that the local borough which I imagine is The London Borough of Shopping, ought to have the man removed if not for harassment then for noise pollution. Really, he is there day and night, come rain or shine; he can certainly get points for commitment if nothing else. In fact, if not removed for polluting the ambience then at least for being a danger to the mental stability of many – that man is constantly telling us we are all going to burn in hell and there is little except kiss his small little toe, that we can do about it…it is depressing on a good day. But he is conveying the ever popular announcement that the world is coming to an end and one way or another we are all due for a roasting.

I am not talking about your next holiday in the sun, no. Though I must admit when somebody says burn I think summer, since, the summer only brings burn (and then a crispier than would be wished tan, but a tan none the less). Though along the same (tan) lines, I am talking about the ozone layer, the melting of the ice caps, polar bears, deforestation, CO2 emissions and all things very much pointing to the red and not sufficiently green. Thus “The End is Nigh”. Apparently. I say apparently as the end has been near for as long as I can remember and frankly, if the end was so “nigh” at least 15 years ago wouldn’t it have arrived already? I am not pooh poohing Global Warming – it’s just that the whole thing feels a bit like crying wolf. The polar bears would disagree, of course.

For years now we have been recycling religiously, or some of us anyway, only to find out on one good day that actually it all gets shipped off to some island a millionaire ‘lost’ and it just sits there…no doubt catching fire every so often as the rubbish rubs against each other causing friction and burns (really, I could have been a scientist had I put more effort into learning the periodic table), thus polluting the ambience and sending it all from where it came. The end is so nigh, it’s just an island away. But we’re not really doing much about it, are we? Nobody really wants to rock their own personal boat too much…think of the water damage.

People say Global Warming, I think deodorant. Not because I am obsessed with all things good smelling, but because I have been told and also done my fair bit of telling, that spray deodorants are a bad idea and only harm the environment.

It took me a while to realize how spraying something into the pit in my arm could somehow find its way out and make a bee line for the harming of the environment…but I got there eventually. And now we do not use spray deodorants, do we? Well, if only Spain manufactured the right kind of deodorant in the right kind of format then we wouldn’t be forced to sometimes partake in a little bit of spray and not so much tickle, would we? Actually deodorising has now turned into a bit of a hell, not Oxford Circus hell, but awful none the less – it just attacks my conscience, but I tell myself I’m doing it for the good of all those that surround me…The usual excuses we throw our way to ease our dodgy doings. But really it is a case of one spray for me and less raindrops for mankind. Google it.

It is all BS of course. We tell ourselves all sorts in order to carry on living the way we do. We carry on destroying the world we live in; we carry on crippling it without thinking about the repercussions. It’s like feet actually. We put them in awful shoes, we don’t take care of them properly and often, a lot of us do not actually like them and talk about and think about and refer to them, in a disgusted manner. Poor feet. Poor world. Without both we would have no support and would not be able to live and enjoy life the way we do now. Mental note: must acknowledge the Help, learn to not be snooty and realize all it does for us….all it does for us…

We complain about the topsy turvy weather but do we stop driving cars and emitting all that dodgy gas – am not talking about bean induced anything – am talking CO2. We all complain that the summers are getting hotter, insufferable even and the winters are getting colder and icier and snow falls where it dared not before. We complain, or think about the tan, but still we do nothing. We act selfishly, thinking only every so often about how the fact that we are slowly destroying our world affects us, never mind the rest of the beings we share the Earth with!

The Polar bears for example. I say polar bears and you think Zoo or fluffy toy or somehow and inexplicably, you think perfume – don’t worry, it happens. But as we warm the world in the least romantic sense of the word, we are also melting ice caps; “Yeah but there’s loooads” you might say. It doesn’t matter how many chunks of ice we have floating around on some other part of the world, what matters is that we are melting them and they didn’t used to be melted. Cue problem. Polar bears live on the ice caps and when they melt, they drown. There is no simpler way of putting it. Why do we care about polar bears? Somebody has to and there are a whole bunch of us somebody’s to do it. We should want to take care of our home, even the chillier bits. And since we are on the subject of ice caps/bergs and the sort, umm can somebody please talk to the Middle East and neighbouring countries, to stop dragging ice bergs all the way to their country to make ice and water – surely the freezers work the same there and there have been so many advances with filtered water…come on guys, let’s not be extremist here.

We can only try and be more informed and try and care more and hope that one piece of information we digest changes our perspective for us and hits the Environmental nerve, and does so soon. When I was younger I thought, well, if the world comes to an end or the petrol runs out, because god forbid I would have to walk places, then it will clearly happen when I’m already dead and I won’t have to live it. Sorted. I am a little older now and perhaps not so much wiser, but certainly more informed and I think quite differently.

Apocalypse, 2012, Independence Day (am not just naming films, look beyond the cinema), “…the End is Nigh…” man – they all point us in the direction that the world is going to change and we will have to like it or lump it. OR help make the transition easier by becoming more informed about how it is better to spray perfume inside a sealed off room with recycled air (I am waaaay ahead of you all), just to keep our world ticking for a little longer.

Fear not, this was not a blog to depress you all into environmentally friendly hibernation, it was to give you a heads up because the fashion industry is about to change: the cold will get colder, thus cuter, more attractive ear muffs are due out – I can only hope the same can be said for hats as till now they have done nothing for my face; the hot will get hotter and I can only recommend you do not go out and buy a new bikini or somehow a fashionable pair of Speedos (?!), but perhaps a head to toe wetsuit UV insulated, because the burns will burn more; the rain and the ice will come trundling our way and for that I can only suggest you learn how to swim if you, or turn that old tin tub into a boat fit for a cramped King. Because also, there exists an environmental catch 22 in that the water of the sea is now infected with gases and other awful ingredients and so when it rains it rains worse than acid. It rains the disappearance of our future.

Dress it how you like, but damaging the World is becoming highly unfashionable and you ought to jump on the band wagon before you’re left straggling “..in the pits of Hellll!!”…I wonder if the Oxford Circus man has a family?