Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Forgive me, for I know I have sinned; this year I write to you electronically. But it’s all the craze. It does not mean I will be e-mailing you this letter as the grumpy elf you have at the front desk would not disclose that information.

How he seems to think an e-mail address is more personal than the fact that everybody knows you live right smack in the middle of the North Pole, I don’t know! Either way, I shall be posting a formal complaint about said elf as he was nothing but obtuse. And I feel that is not behaviour befitting one who ought to be very grateful for such a loyal customer as myself! I mean, heavens! My yearly Christmas wish list doubles all others. And without mine you would all feel quite lost, I’m sure.

Suffice to say, this year I did think ahead and found myself in a very generous frame of mind and thought I would help you out a bit. I sent the original list 3 months ago via recorded delivery. No thanks needed, I have done my good deeds for the year.

My dear Santa, I did think it would also be nice for me to write to you separately and acknowledge that you are more than a make-up facilitating, perfume producing, handbag sprouting, shallow dream fulfilling, white beard toting, toy manufacturing, joy enthusing, reindeer riding man in red! You are also a person who no doubt enjoys a quiet Sunday slumped in front of a roaring fire [whilst reading my blog].

And so I thought I would write and entertain you for a while with some silly tales and help take off a load from a hard days’ work with the elves. They can be such moody things can’t they?

Well now, I did have an entire line up of funny stories for you, but it has to be said that my first new year’s resolution is to work on my memory. My second is to remember the first. And leading on from this we move swiftly over the fact I cannot remember the tales I was to regale you with. Apologies, but then, perfection would be boring would it not?

One thing I would like to talk with you about though, are holidays and times of rest. I know you reputedly rest throughout the year, but we all know that’s not true! Mrs Clause has us ladies well informed about your general lack of sleep and how much preparing for the ‘big day’ takes it out of you! All work and no play makes Santa something we shant say!

I for example find myself living a fabulous year, as I am at home. The family home, which is delightful. It just means that for the awaited reprieve of Christmas holidays one enjoys the idea of retreating home to recover. But me, I look forward to re-retreating back to my bedroom - and believe you me, those four walls couldn’t find it in them to change even if I paid them!

So dear Santa, I would understand should you decide to put your clone from Eastern Europe, Santushka, to work this season. Perhaps you should join me on a holiday to end the year in peace and be raring to go as Big Ben chimes 2010?

I hope you take my advice, as for once, I intend on doing just that. Sit back, relax and let someone else send me my presents, perhaps?





All my love,

Nur



P.S I hope this draft actually makes it to you before getting completely incinerated in the chimney.

P.P.S Merry Christmas and I look forward to entertaining you with more blogs in the new year!

Crisis in Winterland? I think not...

Word on the street says it is very nearly Christmas. With every degree that drops, the sleigh bells come nearer. Nowadays this time of year is no longer just a celebration for all those religious. In fact, and I think many of you would agree, it turned into a children’s holiday about the time Coca-Cola decided Santa Clause ought to be red instead of green. I kid you not, he used to be green, but something about clashing with the snow and the reindeers got his suit changed.

Santa and his wardrobe are beside the point. The point is, it is Christmas! Yay! Yay? We are after all in the biggest financial crisis since Jack had to sell his cow for a magic bean! The entire world is short of a bob or two, yet Christmas has not been scrapped.

In fact, it would appear that The People of the World, yeah, all of you, have finally decided to have a good rummage between all the sofa cushions and produce enough spare change to have a quick cheeky Winter holiday!

Roughly 4.500 (Scots – though nationality is irrelevant here), decided to up and leave the crisis riddled UK to pre-Christmas themselves in the sun! Smashing idea, I think.

Ahh, but what goes up must come down I hear you say. And if you didn’t, you will in a minute. All 4000 of them fannied off in search of heat and ended up getting stranded in their hot destinations! I laugh, but do feel a tad bit bad for those who feel it is wrong to do a hot Christmas. Christmas should be snow and freeze and all things requiring one to wrap up and light the chimney!

Well now, apparently the Scottish travel agency that had shipped off all these sun seeking Scots around the world went bankrupt. Just like that, from night to day. And as a result, left thousands of people stranded and no longer loving their sneaky hot holiday. One would think this to be a good thing, wouldn’t one? Extended holiday, perfect. But no, people were not amused and it has made international news.

It would seem as well as Christmas being in the air, planes would be too. But as it turns out, there is a bit of a lack of them cruising the clouds lately. What with British Airways trying to stage a strike, only to have it overruled by a judge! Democratic society anyone? So with one strike under its belt, one travel agency out of business, one world with a crisis…heavens, I think we’re all due a holiday! Oh! And not to mention all the Madrid taxis getting together and making the city come to a stand-still with their own 24 hr strike!

You would think that in a time riddled with financial issues people would be working overtime and not planning strikes or exotic get aways! Unless of course, the world leaders are lying and our economy is actually not doing too badly…hmmm – there’s food for thought.

In a time of crisis, I have seen more Series One BMW’s cruising the streets than ever before. There is a reputedly higher number of businesses starting up and Spain, who is in worse financial trouble since sliced bread, is still building and planning [luxurious] golf resorts – what’s wrong with this picture?!

Don’t get me wrong, I did read somewhere that if more businesses start up than eventually more money will be made, thus more jobs, thus better for all in long term. BUT what I do not understand, is if people have such little money, where are they getting the capital to start up these businesses? (It is a completely rhetorical question, as I do not actually lose sleep over this matter.)

What does cause me a little more interest and perhaps a little less sleep is that the answer to the financial crisis appears to be so simple and yet no one has grasped it yet!! The problem is that not enough people are spending money and so the shops go bust, people out of jobs etc etc – the answer glaring us all in the face, is to bloody well shop some more! I can only promise I am doing my bit to get society into shape…but it is hard going sometimes.

So for now, Christmas will serve as the perfect excuse to shop till you drop and be my way of helping the world overcome its financial crisis. Whether it actually exists or not.

NEWS FLASH!

As by now you well know, everything that has to do with the ‘real’ world almost certainly does not factor into my life. I know nothing about geography, thus quickly striking Worldly Knowledge from that list; I know nothing about politics – well, not “nothing” – I do have a rough idea who is in power in about 3 different countries. But please, note the word, rough. And finally, we stumble upon the news.

The news is something that only exists as a form of white noise in my life. Something that should be checked every so often, if for no other reason, than because I could end looking really stupid one day – “Who had a tsunami?!” But the news and I have never quite gelled. If there are no pretty pictures I am not interested.

Although, there exists the exception of when somebody else tells me what is going on or what has hit the news recently, then and only then will I go out of my way to read the entire story. Like the one I was pointed in the direction of the other day.

Have you ever woken up and before you placed one timid foot out of your duvet, experienced blush producing flash backs of the night before? Or finally managed to get on with your day/ your week but still with images that slam into your mind making the colour creep up your neck and engulf your face? How about the times that all you get are images that have been blacked out but carry with them an embarrassing soundtrack? Yes my friends, we have all been there.

Fear not though, the days bringing the Cringe (and other more life altering issues) could well be behind us, according to some researchers in New York. (http://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKTRE5B85HV20091209?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0)

These highly intelligent people have decided that with a window of between 10 minutes and 6 hours, bad memories could be eradicated. Miss the window and you’re stuffed. They state that through electric shocks and looking at blue squares, your bad memories could be replaced with good memories! This piece of news comes as quite a shock in the medication savvy world that we live in. No more pills? Heavens…what is the [pharmaceutical] world coming to?!

These scientists declare that their studies have been put into place in order to help those suffering from painful battle memories and those suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Now, as wonderful as this may seem, do we really know what the long term effects could be? How about the fact that wiping away ones memory as if it were a chalk board could lead to future troubles when trying to form new memories or live through experiences similar to those that were erased? I’m thinking it all looks like it could lead to one big brain fart…

I mean, for all things green and holy on this earth, we actually don’t really know what we’re playing with! It seems like a breakthrough, “Hoorah! No more pills! ECT and new memories for all!” Realistically, how many people are going to queue up just hours after having seen a bomb explode and voluntarily submit themselves to electric shock treatment to see what was worse, the memory of the bomb or the ECT? And where are we to erect these ECT stands? One next to all ATM machines? Corner shops? Newspaper stands? Unlikely, I think.

In theory, the idea sounds great. It could fix all; it could revolutionise the medical and psychological world and in theory, could right us all. The theory sounds wonderful, as often they do. But the world is already having trouble dealing with ‘traditional’ forms of maladies, how is it they suggest to hand out ECT memory cleaning therapy to all who claim to need it?

And who is going to decide who ‘deserves’ to be electrocuted? Frankly I’ve a few experiences I think I would rather not live with. Ranging from being too curious a child, early morning afros, the days before makeup was inextricably intertwined with my being and that-thing-I-saw-in-that-place-that-time-when-I shouldn’t-have-been-looking. All these things are traumatic enough to send me straight to an ECT bank.

But is it worth it? And what happened to good old psychotherapy? You know, lie back, relax and “…how does that make YOU feel?”

Forget-me-not OAP

It is in the air. It is a terrible thing afflicting us all. There is no reputed cure as all attempts to dash it have failed. It can cause confusion on a huge scale; disorientation; dribbling; deterioration of sight; disintegration of bones and finally, death.

It is a thing that hovers in the air and threatens all. In this era of high tech medicine, we would have thought we were nothing but safe. And if not safe, then at least that there were sufficient amount of drugs in the Overpriced Pharmaceutical Pantry to make a good pretense of being able to fix us up good and proper! But no, I am living proof that it is contagious and quite frankly, just gets worse with every passing day.

Do not be mistaken, I am not talking about the menopause, which in my opinion is a state of affairs if not a disease, that is not given sufficient attention. It really does cause one to be utterly ill at ease. And it is transferable as I have suffered from having the hot flushes passed on to me. When I say I am wiser than my years, I really mean it.

I am actually referring to Old Age symptoms. They are a horrific thing. It happens to all and I have come to the opinion it is also a transferable. My grandmother for example, has been telling me she is 105 for the past umpteen years. She is as fit as a fiddle, more or less, looks wonderful for a woman sporting 71 years (which means great older years await me), but she keeps saying she is old. She is old and therefore cannot do as she used to. She is old and does not remember things like she used to. She is old and does not understand things she wished she would…

…I am 21 and I have great difficulty in telling you what I did yesterday, never mind last week! I also forget what I am saying mid sentence and what I have walked into a room to do. (The latter can be fixed by walking backwards into the room where the idea was born, for all you struggling with the same problem.) My eyesight fails me to such an extent that I make up flight details, consequently causing myself to miss flights. I invent conversations I think I’ve had with people, or rather not, and get told off for not having told people certain things, when actually, in my head, I could even reproduce the exact conversation (we did not have). Compared to me, my granny’s got it good!

Plainly and simply, rather than the excuse of old age-itis, it is called Losing Ones Marbles. “Hello my name is Nur and I can’t tell you when I lost my marbles exactly, as I cannot for the life of me remember.”

My theory is that we live such terribly fast paced lives that what we in fact spend our days doing, with both good and bad repercussions, is multi tasking our thoughts. It is this act that makes us, (and when I say ‘us’ please note I mainly mean me), have our thoughts scattered everywhere. We live in an age full of super fast technologies that evolve even faster. And somewhere along the line that has been the evolution of mankind and its exhaust pipes, we thought we had to have minds that functioned as fast as the machines.

This has ended up with us short circuiting into thinking we have lost our marbles. There are constantly little snippet articles advising people on how best to cope with the stress they feel and their loss of memory.

The real solution to said problem is that we should follow the example of our limbs. We only have two on top and two down below. Therefore we should only think as much as we can do. You wouldn’t try and pile four hundred things in your hands at one time, would you? So why would you laden your mind with them? This, my fellow forgetfulls could be the key to fighting the symptoms of the dreaded old age.

Now, prepare yourselves because there is one other key element to combating this state which stresses and worries us all so much. It is a method that has been developed by professionals in the field and has an absolutely solid reputation. This study will change your lives. Now, if only I could remember what it was…

From Madrid, with Love

We ramble through the city
That has been an absent part of my life for many years,
Through winding streets that ought to be known but are yet to be seen,
We wander through, discovering with mirthful tears what is and what has been.


Labyrinths beneath the surface is where they city is run from
with steaming gaping holes where the wonders await,
Shuffling past and through in order to feel the breeze and continue with joyful gait.
Raising our faces to the sky so as to drink in the new area, the new micro world into which we unfurl.


Parallel to the normal routine
That is your life within this city
Suddenly you stumble across a whole world before unseen,
But now we take advantage of the chance to explore and immerse ourselves in discovering the nitty gritty.


The city that has followed you for so long
And never before did you stop to ponder it,
love it for its secrets and street performer’s song.
But now we take advantage and breathe in the night as it is inviting and lit.


It takes outsiders for you to stop and appreciate
All that it has to offer – night and day,
A curious outsider with insatiable thirst who cannot wait,
In order for one to look with new eyes and leave the old out of the way.


A weekend full of walking the streets,
letting them guide you through the winter atmosphere
and finding ones way just listening to the cities beats…
Each new spot discovered, unwrapped and enjoyed on the tourism tier.


It took a weekend full of walking the streets with newcomers
For me to rediscover the city I was born within.
To realize the secrets its walls hold and become one of its admirers,
one for whom witnessing its life is no longer left to chance or whim.


I loved to remember the impromptu life
That springs forth at every turn,
And with the crisp winter sun there is no strife,
only the option to soak in the good and the better yet to learn.


A weekend brimming with peels of laughter
Is the perfect mate with which to discover a city so ignored,
so taken for granted lest it cause that smile that is so sought after.
The city has spun its web and as its charm reels me in I follow in accord.

Christmas Put on the Bench

I nearly choked when someone told me it was less than a month till Santa comes!
By god where’s the year sped off to?
But since it’s fast approaching and just for us, Santa runs
We will discuss all things snow and how Madrid has made it a taboo!

**************************************

Here ye! Here ye! Christmas is cancelled!
What’s that you say wench?!
I said, the local council has gone and cut Christmas!
They can’t have! No one puts that holiday on the bench!


Well well, it would appear as though the Spanish government
thinks otherwise!
The capitol and its banks have decided, the holiday they would resent
And so the festive season suffers a first time demise.


The financial crisis has hit Spain hard
And left the country caught between a rock and its flag place.
It is suffering worst unemployment since the first changing of the guard!
The only market inflating is the black, desperate crime means all want mace…


The mayor of Madrid has decided –
(no no, nothing sordid),
just that festive parties and drinks
be greatly reduced to not cause the economy anymore kinks.


In one foul sweep he declared that the snow should halt
The Christmas spirit teetered down to nil,
And the pine trees be allowed their forest floor to hold their malt.
Oh dear…oh heavens…it would appear as though there is no festive will!


Such are the cutbacks affecting the country and city
That some smart alleck has decided a number of motorways ought not have lighting!
Pray do tell if I overreact and deserve no pity
But I argue that in fact no lights invite trouble for those with precarious sighting!


‘tis no excuse, granted, but all heavens below and above -
One thing is to cancel Christmas, which really is quite bad,
But another that the safety of citizens is unworthy of love!
Sloppy cutbacks and no Santa just make for the people to be sad.


The mayor, who’s name I am impressed I know
Has clearly decided the budget is better spent in asphalt
And not in allowing the electricity to run through the fairy lights and let cheer flow.
The name, beginning with ‘G.’ is one uttered by all in traffic jams around the city.


Attempts to quash the Christmas spirit were once tried by Scrooge
And given the excitement proceeding presents
I would say that such efforts were futile and do not even spark the rouge!
The frown appeared, the voices thundered but were nothing for those who Christmas cheered.


It is a time not believed in by all
But by now the ambience is adored by more than one.
A December with no Santa? How dare you have the gall?!
It is the only time when the cold and the snow become more important than the sun!


No matter how low the budget
How miserable the memories,
Push all aside and rejoice in joint festiveness with Mr Gadget
Whilst we celebrate not necessarily the bible version – but the home made one
Full of pie and rosy cheeks with laughter being a main part of the entire sum!